I probably get where you are now.
I was Catholic until I was twenty five years old and have been gay my whole life so I have some idea of what you might be experiencing, both in terms of your family and from your own heart. Everyone has their own story, but there is commonality between us.
I know there is a lot of confusion. You hear some Catholics talking of Pope Francis and looking forward to big changes in the Church. Know, as one who has deeply researched my old faith before leaving it behind, that these co-called Catholics who accept you – these Stephen Colbert’s of the Church – may be more accepting but they are “in the wrong” because the Church is “Infallible” on matters of faith. These people are in schism with the Church.
Because of this “Infallibility” the Catholic Church is, has, and will always be our enemy on some level because the God they follow will never see us as fully human. They will never change because they can’t. To change would be to admit the truth: that their Infallibility is a lie (Infallibility is another invention and another word never found in the Bible when referencing human beings). We must remain soiled and broken for that is the only way they can maintain the illusion of being correct on all moral matters for all time.
If you fear hell, ask yourself this; if God is so good, why would he throw you into a furnace to burn forever for something as small as who you fall in love with? The Catholic Church claims if you withhold that love and go through life maintaining these unreasonable laws and live a faithful life, forgoing romance or real mutual, loving connection to the sure-to-be bitter end then you may be redeemed. But think further on that point. Consider that nothing unholy may enter the presence of God (e.g. Purgatory exists to purge us of venial sins and such impurities) and that your feelings are impure by the Church definition.
Imagine yourself stripped of your desire to cuddle, hug, and kiss. Imagine being stripped of your desire to care for and your yearning to be cared for by another of the same sex. If Catholics are right, the best case scenario is you will spend your whole life alone only to be “purified” of these foul feelings. Can you imagine no longer feeling these things? I, for one, can’t. To strip me of these things would be to remove a portion of what makes me me. So, your best case scenario is the complete annihilation of who you are because God can’t stand the presence of you. Is that really worse than hell?
If they are right, we are doomed either way.
But there is hope. If you have come this far, ask yourself some other questions. If lowly humans can tolerate and even see homosexuality as good and beautiful as many of us can, why is God too small to do the same? If God is so powerful, why does he need a Church to protect Him?
In your youth groups and Life Teen you have likely heard them speak of Natural Law. Your love violates this oh so sacred Natural Law. But what is Natural Law? You will find those words appearing nowhere in the Bible. The truth of Natural Law is that it is yet another Catholic fabrication. Something invented by the pagan philospher Aristotle and adopted because Pope John Paul the Second happens to like the guy. And it is for this reason you must go to bed, lonely, for the rest of your life. Does this sound right to you?
Is the Church truly what it claims? Is the “salvation” they peddle worth the cost of a large part of who you are? Is bowing to a God so petty and so small that we are actually morally superior to Him really a worthy life goal?
If you feel you cannot give up a church and such a thought scares you then I invite you to look into both the Episcopalian faith and more liberal Lutherans. They are similar to the Catholics but they follow a God who actually has a heart and a less petty morality. And they have all the benefits of any Catholic Church you may find in terms of community and ritual.